dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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