im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You are a genius and a whore.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
