it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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