She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i think i just lost a toe
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
