shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize