I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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