...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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