hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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