I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
