Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
