I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
