He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
