Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
