Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
