he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
