Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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