he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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