It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
