girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
