Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
