I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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