I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
