I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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