I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
