I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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