I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
