Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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