I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
