stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
