And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
