I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
