i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
