he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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