I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
