hotel room ftw
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's the barista slut.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
