We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
