Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
