i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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