Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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