I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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