Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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