He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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