Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
