she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
