Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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