Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Found the puke drawer
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
