my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
