come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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