You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I want is dick and wine.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
