Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
