just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
