I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
