She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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