Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
