Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
