i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
