I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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