How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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