last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
