I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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