so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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