He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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