I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
