Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
