After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
