if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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