I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize