Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize