My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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