The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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