the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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