I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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