I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
