I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
