Swine flu. Run for my life!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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