I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
