im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
