I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize