Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just had sex on a roof
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
