we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
