If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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