Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
