So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
