He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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