So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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