explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
