So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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