come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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