Your dad touched me again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
