I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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