before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
