she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
