be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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