I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
