I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
