YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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