I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
