it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
