Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize