just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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