Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
