Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
