Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
