im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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