"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
