Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
