she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My penis needs a shock collar
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
