I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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