I wish my penis had an off switch
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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