I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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